Confessions of a cross-dresser. Features, subtleties, recommendations 18+

And let’s talk about why cross-dressing is normal in Ukraine. What do you think about this topic?

Be a man

I’ve always tried to be as open a person as possible, but certain things have always been left for other places. Because they’re not appropriate. They’ve always been inappropriate for my usual environment. Inappropriate for a regular blog. Inappropriate for the vacuum that you create around yourself so that others have fewer questions. So that you don’t get asked the same “what about you – …” questions that you’re not interested in answering. Therefore, at a certain stage in my life, I wanted to separate the usual me and the other me.

The plan was that we would move, I would have an English (or Czech) blog, and this one would be closed. For a while, I even tried to give this blog to someone else for free so that someone could continue my work. No one was found, and maybe for the better. But I stayed here. And instead of changing myself to fit the environment, I decided to change the world around me to fit myself. Rather, not even change it, but to make it so that we both feel comfortable being together, without violating personal boundaries. However, the other day something happened that inspired this post.

Breast

Once upon a time, I made one of the strangest purchases of my life and ordered…breasts. To give you an idea of ​​how old this event was, here’s a screenshot from eBay:

This was not the beginning of my story, we will return to it later. But it was the first confident step into the reality in which I wanted to create my image. A different image. Feminine. It was a rather large bust. Usually they can be made of two materials – silicone or cotton. I wanted to “feel everything to the fullest”, so I chose silicone. At that time, these busts were more expensive, so finding it on Ebay was a real miracle.

Over time, my needs/reality changed and I purchased another bust (moreover, not just one), and put this one up for sale. For a long time it was on auctions, selling from $1 – but the price did not reach the “reserve” of $35. You understand that it is much cheaper than it got to me. But on the eve of the New Year holidays, I decided to place it on another site. And I encountered unusual demand.

Within a few days, several people approached me with an interest in purchasing the bust. But it went to a person who had also ordered several wigs. It was immediately clear that the item was “going that way.”

But let’s get back to me.

2022

I won’t go back to the tirades about what the beginning of the war and 2022 as a whole meant to each of us. There was an understanding that tomorrow might not come, because 150 missiles were flying over the cities per day. So it was the right time to try everything at once. My wife couldn’t sleep with all that, and went to visit relatives in Germany. I was left alone. And I started trying different things. Clothes, makeup. I became interested in what I could get and what I couldn’t. That is, what image could be created as much as possible, having an originally male body without obvious signs of femininity, except, of course, significant thinness.

A little earlier, we ordered a so-called “cat suit,” or in simple terms, a suit that fits the body like you’re Cat-woman. And I started creating the look. First of all, the “breasts” were several of my wife’s bodices, stacked one on top of the other. It gave shape. Not ideal, but better than nothing. We have similar clothing sizes, so the cat suit and other things were perfect for me. For your understanding, my height is 170-172 cm and I weigh around 50 kilograms. Ideal parameters for slim looks, right?..

Level

For me, a certain level of quality in my work has always been important, below which I didn’t want to fall. Certain rules. The first of them is no combination of feminine and masculine. If you wear a dress, you’re a girl, so a priori you shouldn’t have “stuff hanging out” from under your skirt. Yes, sometimes you want to do something provocative – and then I allow myself to do it, but you have to be either-or. Short hair and makeup? Fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. But the more “sex” you add to your work, the less creativity there is in it. I’ve never set a goal for anyone to get excited by my work. Here it’s appropriate to clarify about excitement.

For a while, for me it was not only about creativity, but about the fetish as such. The feeling of something wrong, a stocking on the skin…so wasn’t it for me, at a certain stage of self-realization, more about sexual pleasure? Partially. On the contrary, now I enjoy the result when putting on certain things causes zero arousal. Because I clearly understand why we are here and what the result of this very dressing should be.

The second rule concerns hair. Even if I take photos in a suit – ideal for me is when all excess hair is removed. Including arms, legs, underarms, and from other parts of the body. I have nothing against it, but Conchita Wurst should not be in my photos. Because the beard was there as an element of distraction. In the case when your appearance is not very feminine – you need to make it as close as possible. Ideally, when in your photos from certain angles they will not tell whether you are a girl or a man.

The third rule follows from the first – no genitals or sexual pleasures in the works unless it is an important element of the work itself. I am not interested in showing my erect or flaccid penis in the guise of a woman (in the guise of a man too).

Thanks to these criteria, I somewhat deviate from the understanding of a “classical fetishist”, moving towards a “creative fetishist”.

What is it for me?

Every action has a reason. And we’re talking about things that started in the distant 2022. What makes me continue to do this now and write a post about it?

Here, perhaps, we should start with “Meet, this is Sa Crea. And she is my better half.” Last year, after military service, a suicide attempt, and a desire to move somewhere and change my life, I started an English-language blog. I will tell you about my “Cher” later, but for now I will focus on Sa. Apparently, she is the one writing this post – because it is all about her. Internally, I have separated the masculine and feminine essences, and in ordinary life I am the one who makes your taps, repairs electronics, and cleans chimneys. I do things that some “real men” do not do, because for them it is not comme il faut. Getting your hands dirty is not a royal matter, is it? Gentlemen? .. and in the evening I want to forget about all that work and take time for myself and for myself. To be who you want, to create what you want. Therefore, I become different, or, rather, a different me.

My name comes from two songs by the band Yonaka. One of them is Call me a Saint, the other is Creature. Actually, that’s why I became Saint Creature. I like the harmony of the words “Saint Creature” in the plane of creativity that I create.

At the end of 2024, we received international passports and regular ones for ID cards. A sudden push, a question about whether it is possible to change the signature in the passport. A positive answer. At that moment, I officially became Sa Crea. The first thing that came to mind was for the signature. I wanted to somehow make these relationships official. Relationships with myself. As you can see, I don’t use “we became”, “I became” – because it’s not a desire to point out their they/them everywhere. But when our country allows you to choose your gender and change it to the middle – I will be one of the first to do it. Because it’s about comfort.

The outside world

Do I run around in dresses and a wig? No. I don’t want to, and it was enough when, after my photos were posted on Reddit, people started sending me private messages with the clear implication that they wouldn’t mind seeing my “other” work. I guess nothing makes you more of a woman than receiving lewd messages from men.

But I wear earrings. I have both ears pierced now, three piercings. At one time, the avatar with a thorny rose became the first in the new role, so I was very happy that my Sa would wear a beautiful earring in the form of a rose with thorns. We will return to family values ​​and relationships, but I will say right away that my wife always doesn’t mind wearing the second earring. We don’t have rings on our fingers, but if you see us together, you will always understand that we are either very good friends, or… 🙂

At some point, I got tired of my fingers and nails being dirty after cleaning chimneys. So I decided to diversify it and paint my nails. This doesn’t mean that I walk around with a pink manicure and 5-centimeter nails. But if something inspires me, I do some work with my nails (an inscription, a design) in which I highlight it or my attitude to something. Nails have become another element of my appearance that stands out from the rest, but is not a provocation for anyone to do anything. Choosing between dirty and beautiful nails, I will choose the latter.

In 2022, I was sad when the warm season came, and I had to “grow my hair” to…stay a man? Yes. Rather, to remain the standard that is expected of you. But to “stay a standard” where I live now, you also have to drink a lot, not appreciate women, and hide from the TCC. This is what became an example of true male values ​​around me. Not mine. And now I freely shave my legs and arms, without thinking about “what anyone will think.” Because what can you think about a man’s bald arms or legs? And that’s what I’m talking about. You have to choose yourself and your needs, not someone else’s expectations. Be yourself, because life is short.

Family

A cross-dresser man is a family tragedy. Isn’t that what most women would think about this idea? Probably. But there are also advantages. In general, they concern clothes or shoes, especially if you somehow happen to have a similar size. That’s exactly what happened with clothes, so there are more beautiful and wonderful things in my wife’s wardrobe. Not least because some of them can be used for a photo shoot. So, because of creativity, the budget does not increase, but, on the contrary, is divided by two.

I began to understand many things, starting with how difficult it is to constantly take care of myself (I’m talking about hair), and I saw firsthand how stupid (in terms of quality) cosmetics can be. I learned what tools are used and what they are used for. Along the way, I became interested in makeup and working with it. For certain projects, I buy this or that cosmetics, which can then be used by my wife, so in this sense, the expenses on “female” things are not so great when the same lipstick can be used by two people. Sometimes I use cosmetics atypically, applying drawings with it. Moreover, now I know how much time and liquid it takes to remove all those layers of foundation and other things that were applied for the image. Even though I paint myself minimally, because it’s amateur.

We like similar things, so my wife perceives my creativity as normal.

A few recommendations

It just so happened that you came across this blog through a profile search. I wanted to give you a few recommendations. They are more about me/for me, but maybe they will be relevant to someone.

For busts – look objectively at your parameters. I have seen silicone breasts on sale more than once, which had a “cut” on one side. I could joke that a person got stuck in it and the doctors “cut” them out of there, but this is really a problem. People do not always understand their dimensions and what size they should take the product. For thinner ones, I would advise taking a plan like mine:

This is a fairly budget bust, which cost me about $ 31.2 on Ali, including shipping. My size is, of course, smaller (B size), cotton filler. And here we come across another important point. When choosing a filler, I would recommend taking silicone. In my case, cotton is already, it is lighter. But over time, it can lose its shape, which is why the breast in its pure form will look unaesthetic (unfortunately, I have already encountered such a product). Silicone feels more natural, although it has a slightly greater weight.

For people with a “normal” body type or just a normal build, I wouldn’t recommend going for this option, because I’m more than sure it will eventually break on you. In that case, it’s better to choose something like this:

This is a bra with silicone filler, which is also very pleasant to the touch, and its price will be lower. Of the pluses, the straps are adjustable according to your needs, so it can be taken off and put on like a regular bra. This is convenient when you need to change clothes quickly, and the plus is that the silicone is hidden under a thin film of oilcloth. Because of this, you will not need to take care of your bust using talcum powder.

The size should be chosen according to your parameters, not “I saw a busty girl in an anime and I want to look like her”. Because the bust has firstly weight, secondly conformity. Remember the bust from the first photo? With it, we looked something like this:

In this picture you can see that the bust was lowered quite low and without additional support in the form of a bodice it would look, frankly, “so-so”. I prefer when the bust looks like in this picture:

The image becomes more elegant and sophisticated.

Among other recommendations – find your size. This applies to shoes and suits as well. Suits do not forgive mismatches, so not all of them will have a nice, tight look. I am not talking about pure latex products at all, because there you almost have to make all the clothes to order.

With wigs, everything is easier. Now you can catch a good wig on classifieds for $5-10. The same applies to other elements of clothing. You should not immediately chase after something expensive. Because there is a possibility that it will not suit you and the money will be thrown to the wind. That is why I would prefer catsuits to start with. First, they allow you to hide everything unnecessary, and secondly, they are already a full-fledged outfit in themselves, to which you can add certain elements. But that is more if you want an image similar to the one above. Otherwise… to colour and taste. 🙂

Modernity

For now, I have “moved on,” and now, apart from

I also became interested in other areas such as furries and, a little, BDSM. The latter was reflected in the costume, which I often choose for work. But the first one… I, again, like how it looks from an aesthetic point of view.

Among other things, you can find interesting masks on Aliexpress, which I really appreciated both in terms of quality and as attributes for images. Interestingly, many people who make similar masks for themselves have expressed their hatred towards me, because I did not make it myself. However… should we get used to hate?))

Over time, I try to improve the costume, lighting, and props so that they start to look no worse than other people’s works. Especially considering that my props are usually much cheaper than others’. Having purchased several masks and thanks to the variety of clothes, I managed to create works like this one, where I was both characters in the picture.

So in a sense, cross-dressing became an opportunity for me to create different works, based only on what I always have in me – myself.

Will I burn in hell?

The last question we will consider today is whether I will burn in hell. Whoever and whatever you are, there will always be those in the world who will despise or hate you for something. So if you look back at everyone every time, you will not be left alone. I think that everyone comes into this world as they are. Over time, they change in some way, but in general we are who we are. So is it worth being ashamed of or hiding it? Probably not.

If you have a desire to discuss this topic or share your experience, it would be interesting to hear it in the comments. This post is a kind of “flashlight” for people, so that they know that they are not alone, and that there is a place for creativity, even if it is bizarre, even in a country where there is a war. Because each of us needs a place where we can hide from everything that we, unfortunately, have become accustomed to.

I bow to you in the form of a Christmas tree… 🙂

Ps whoever found the wig that was made from a whip – well done ^_^

Author: Sa Crea

Hellmin